I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
