I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
