we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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