I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
