made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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