Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
