My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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