I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
