I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
