I heard we made out
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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