I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
