I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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