a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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