Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
