I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
