Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
