There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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