I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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