Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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