We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did i walk over a car last night?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
