Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
