wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
