You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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