I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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