I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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