Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
