Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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