my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize