I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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