I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
