If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
