so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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