They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
