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is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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