I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
