ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
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The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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