i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
