She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
