halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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