Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
