wakey wakey hands off snakey
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
