don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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