Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
