The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
