C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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