There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
