i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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