If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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