There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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