He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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