My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
