hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
