I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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