then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
