Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
