listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
