There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
