A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
