How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
