i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
