also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
