new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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