yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize