Me too!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
