Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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