I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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