She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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