quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
