the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
