Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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