this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
